The shadow that follows me is growing dim.
Always having something bigger around me to cover up and hide behind
From a job to a relationship and now my son
Dreams and desires have been buried deep within my heart
The dust has settled, and the cobwebs have made a home of the dead dreams and ambitions
Continuously uncomfortably comfortable
My inner voice and my heart are constantly playing tug of war
Asking myself what could go wrong, the never-ending list appears
But oh my child, what could go right?
Why is what could go right so scary?
Right, means I’m no longer behind the safety shadow,
Right means all that could go wrong points to nobody else but me
Shrinking hurts my heart because I know there is so much more in me, but the stretching scares me every morning I wake up,
Greeted daily with breath in my body
For the excuses are slowly fading away
My son is becoming more independent, so I have more time to invest in those things.
I have this blank canvas to explore and throw paint on it and my hands, Trimble, every time I go to pick up a brush, and the self-doubt screams as I go to pick out a color,
What color?
Why that color?
Who do you think you are?

The little girl in me was told she couldn’t. What if SHE tries and fails?
Then the angry teenager who mouthed off, they were right about her.
She isn’t unique. She can’t do anything right. She will never be anything significant, anything different.
The fear is that they were right about the girl in me.
The only difference is that she’s a woman now.
I try to fight daily against the broken girl they saw then to the woman I am today.


When your know who you are, you can bloom in darkness

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